I just realized that I never wrote anything about hitting my first goal yesterday! With all of my kitty drama, I've been a little out of my mojo for the past week. Today, almost exactly to the hour that I'm writing this, a week ago, my whole little world changed. It's getting a little better every day, although today is unexpectedly hard. I didn't realize that would happen. Compound that with my second class for this new Bachelor's starting up last Thursday, and you get plenty of distraction!
In a way it's kind of a surreal feeling. The scale has been bouncing around so bad, it's very hard for me to give myself this credit, especially when I know it's probably going to be higher again next week. This inconsistency makes me feel like I did really earn the credit I'm giving to myself. I really do need to re-focus and really work on making strives to start pushing myself again. I also need to sign up for the 8k next month, I've been putting it off and putting it off. Some of it is justified- 40 bucks is a whoooole lot of money for us right now. But I've gotten so complacent, this will be a much needed kick in the pants.
I'm considering, Saturday or Sunday, going to the park down the road and hitting their 5k course and making two circuits of it. (Anyone want to join me?) I'm really not overly interested in achieving race pace, or setting a PR for myself or anything , but I think it would be good for knocking the cobwebs off and getting over this little bit of fear I seem to have acquired after the whole hip flexor incident. I've let it derail my running program. I think it just shook my confidence up.
Wow, this blog has gone in a totally different direction than I expected it to! I'm actually even more excited now for the next three pounds to come off. That will put me at a nice even 40 pound loss. What a big round number that is to me. In so many ways I don't feel like I've really done all that much. Not to deserve a nice fat number like 40. I always feel like I should be doing more. Being more consistent. Resisting temptation more. Being less lazy. I see all my flaws and all the bumps in the road, and I suppose that diminishes my accomplishments in my eyes. Aren't we always our own harshest judges?
This also brings me to a point I always mean to write a blog about. At what point do you stop thinking of yourself as a lazy person? The rational part of my brain knows I'm not lazy. I get up at 4:45 every morning, Monday through Friday, and I work out, then go to my job for eight hours, I come home, get the gym and lunch bags read y for the next day, sometimes I cook, sometimes I'm doing classwork, sometimes it's dishes, or even just spending a little time with the hubby. There are people in my life who tell me that they don't see how in the world I do so much everyday, or say that I have more energy than anyone they know. Don't get me wrong, I can be unabashedly lazy on the weekends. I have days where I'm lucky to break a thousand steps, and nothing on my weekend to-do list gets accomplished. It's these days, I guess, that really reinforce in my crazy little brain all that chatter that maybe I haven't really changed after all.
Wow, this is a lot of emotional diarrhea, I wasn't expecting all that to come out. I was expecting to do a verbal happy dance over my 10%. I would suspect that being on the precipice of a truly monumental life change is bringing out more of a reflective side than a celebratory one. I've never really been successful at anything before. Its a strange and scary scary feeling to leave behind who you once were for so long. To give up these ideas of what you can and can't do. To revamp how you consider yourself. I certainly did not go quietly into the good night of self-improvement. I met this new phase of my life with much less grace and verve than I have tackled other things. In fact, there have been times that to call it kicking and screaming would be mild. Yet, on the other side of this coin, some things just came surprisingly naturally. Like learning that I'm a morning exerciser. Giving up soda. Rediscovering my optimism (which I'm sure sounds like a big fib right this second). Learning to trust myself. It's certainly been an adventure.
Well, here's to the next three pounds and beyond. Cheers!
You're doing a great job! And, I still feel lazy ALL the time. I do so much crap every day and Jeff is always telling me to chill out, and I just can't! It's just how I am. I think it's in a woman's nature to feel like we always need to take care of everything. Anyway, it's not true that you've never succeeded at anything. You went to college. You have a good job, and one where you're continually moving up, so that is very good! I'd LOVE to come with you this weekend to workout, but we are leaving Saturday morning to go to Knobel's in PA for their halloween stuff. The kids are so excited. :)
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