The Story of My Good Kitty

So this is my super sad blog (and long), read at your own peril. I don't even know why I'm writing this, other than I'm hoping that it will help me start healing. It's definitely going to take some time. A lot of time. 

Back in 2005, I had a beagle. Because I was gone for close to 12 hours a day, and was living in a small downtown apartment with a roommate that didn't interact with him much, I ended up giving him to a good family with kids and a huge backyard. It was one of the worst decisions I ever made. It was almost a decade a go, and it's still my biggest regret in life. About a month or two later the horrible, horrible relationship I was in thankfully ended. And a month or two after that, I decided that I needed a new cat. My previous one had been gone for about a year and a half, I didn't have my dog anymore, and while I had a roommate and her cat, I needed my own fur baby. I had been saying for a while that I would love to get my hands on a flame-pointed Himalayan (Himmy's are a cross breed of Persians and Siamese). 

Mom and I went wondering around a couple of places. We hadn't gone to a shelter yet, that was on the books, but we happened to find ourselves over near a PetSmart, so we went in and checked out the kitties. We didn't see any that immediately caught my eye, but suddenly a lady volunteering there out of the blue asked me if I didn't happen to be looking for a Himalayan. Well, hello! She proceeded to tell me about how she had nine cats, and her Himmy was the oldest and her favorite, but she had noticed how unhappy she was as of late. She was walking around with her tail down, and just seemed sad. So she was looking to re-home her. We agreed that she would bring her over for a trial visit and see if we had chemistry. 

Well, the lady showed up much earlier than I expected on the day we decided, so she was already there when I got home. They had let her out of her carrier, and she immediately went into hiding under our side table. The minute I came in and set down, the beautiful seal-pointed Himalayan came out and went right to me. We belonged to each other at first sight, and Sue was mine. She was 10, supposedly pure bred, although I never got the papers from her first owner, and I don't care enough about things like that to follow up with her. She had brought all of Sue's things, so she was mine from that night. 

Through the years Sue has seen me through healing from that terrible relationship, moving, being so broke we went about a week or so with no electricity, losing an apartment, living with my mom, trying to live with the aforementioned roommate a second time, this time with an obnoxious dog and a cat that hated Sue, finally landing in my then boyfriend-now husband's apartment. Losing friends, losing jobs, and so much more. She has been my constant companion. 

She had such a big personality. With the Siamese in her, she always let you know how she was feeling. I could have whole conversations with her. Sometimes I think she just talked to her herself talk. She didn't like to be held, but she liked to be touching you or sitting on you. She liked to sleep on pillows with you. I kid you not, if she didn't get her way she sulked. She refused to drink out of a bowl. Before we bought her a water fountain, she would make every attempt to out of cups. And the sink, the tub and the toilet. In fact, her last night, I was afraid she wouldn't wander her way into the kitchen, so I left a small glass for her on the floor of the living room. She wasn't a cat, she was a people, plain and simple. 

So Tuesday night, after she tried to beg her way into some of our salmon from our dinner, I gave her a couple of treats, and I went back to the bedroom to sprawl out on top of the bed to read. Hubby brought her in and she curled up on the bed beside me and went to sleep. About a half an hour later she started twitching, and I figured she was dreaming, then it got a little worse, so I tried to wake her up. Suddenly she rolled half way over and I could tell it was a fully blown seizure. Which she's never had before. After it ended she spent about ten minutes panting and kind of catatonic. I held her through the whole thing. And she just never really came back. I held her until she tried to get down, and once I put her down, she spent the rest of the evening just wandering the apartment. She was so restless. And she didn't respond to her name, or to pettings. Her motor skills were really bad, she was tripping over things she wouldn't normally. She was getting "stuck" in places that she should have been able to get out of. She would walk up to a wall or a corner until her face touched it and just stay there. I don't think she slept that entire night, I think she just roamed the apartment non-stop, unless she got "stuck". Which was the only time she uttered a peep after that seizure. Very decidedly NOT Sue behavior. 

Because it was so late, we tried to sleep. When my alarm went off I got up and saw she wasn't any better, and knew what we had to do. And if it was just her motor skills, I could have handled a disabled cat. But her Sue-ness was gone. Whatever broke in her poor little kitty head robbed her of herself. 

She was my Good Kitty. And now I have a giant, Sue-shaped hole in my heart. Because it was so sudden and unexpected, it's been hard on the hubby and I, but I'm glad she was not sick for a long time, and she never seemed to ever be in pain that last night. I will always be grateful for that small favor. We keep "seeing" her in her favorite spots, or expecting to trip over her, since she loved to be underfoot and stop directly in front of you. I keep trying to accidentally kick her food bowl as I did every time I went to the fridge. 

I knew it was going to be hard. I would try and prepare myself, she was 18, after all. And I won't lie, I had the strongest feeling a few days ago that she wasn't going to make it through the winter. I just wasn't ready for it to be yesterday. Are you ever? I had no idea it was going to be this hard. But hey- I've only had to run to the restroom once so far this morning! I went ahead and dragged myself out of bed and made it to the gym, and now work. I am armed with plenty of tissues and minimal eye makeup. I haven't slept much the past two nights. I know it will get better with time, I just feel so raw today. 

Thanks for listening, I knew I needed to get my feelings out there and written down. Oh, my poor heart. And my poor Good Kitty. I miss you so much. 

My Good Kitty: