Not doing that anymore!

We all know I have a problem with evenings and weekends, really, any unstructured day. This weekend wasn't terrible, or at least, Saturday wasn't. We had a surprise birthday party for my mom, and I really didn't eat all that terribly. The party was at my cousin's house, who is married to a doctor, so there was fruit salad and regular salad with a homemade italian dressing, whole wheat hot dog/hamburger buns, etc. I made a cake for my mom and we had that. Of course I got stuck bringing what was left home. Which brings us to Sunday. 

Oh, Sunday. We were not friends, you and I. Of course, "I'll take the cake to work on Monday" rationale didn't happen. I ate a good chunk of that leftover cake Saturday night/ Sunday. In fact, I'm tossing what's left out this evening when I get home from work. I just can't do this anymore. 

I had all kinds of other crap yesterday, and boy am I paying for it today. I was heartburny last night/ this morning. I love starting my day by burping acid. (I know, TMI, sorry). Of course my tummy is very sad this this morning. I just feel kind of gross and icky. I haven't even had much of an appetite, but I've been eating my good, normal food all morning, because I know that's the best thing I can do for myself at this point. I had very little water to drink all weekend, so I'm feeling those effects, too. 

I know we all have these moments, where we go temporarily insane. I know this doesn't define me, or ruin the past six months of hard work. It's been a while since I've felt this bad physically over poor nutrutional choices, though. I looked at my sad state this morning, and I realized, nothing I ate tasted good enough to feel this crummy over. It's not even a mental thing at this point, where I'm resolving to "stay strong next time". It's logic, common flaming sense. I'm not beating myself up over my choices, I'm just taking a live and learn approach to this. 

I'm going to say it again. There is NOTHING in this world that tastes good enough to feel this way. NOTHING. 

I'm going to go ahead and go back to my mostly vegetarian, whole grain diet, and hang out there. It's much more comfortable and friendly over here. Before I had my hot dog Saturday night, I hadn't had meat in three days. Of course, things like seafood exist, so I don't know that I'll ever make the full transition. I think I love my fish too much. That's another tangent for another day, though. 

I know there will still be days in my future I will over induldge. It's just kind of the human nature. And I have no intentions of living a spartan lifestyle. But the longer I stay this course, the more by second nature I look at something and assess it. And now that I know better, it's hard not to do better. It's hard to look at something anymore and NOT see its nutritional value (or lack thereof). It slowly gets harder and harder to allow myself to get swept up in a moment and use it as an excuse to ignore what I've taught myself. And I'm proud of this. 

I know there's got to be people in my life who are just sick to tears of my gym check-ins, and food stuffs, and obnoxious positive feel-good "posters". So far no one's said anything to the contrary, and honestly, that's what the hide and un-friend buttons are for. I know I have to come off as pretentious and holier-than-thou when I'm really riding a good streak. But I really believe that one of the keys to this, that have made this attempt so much more successful, is that the more public I have made my journey, my struggles, my successes, the more accountability I have. And also the more support I have. There is no way, in a thousand lifetimes, that I can either express or repay how much the overwhemingly huge amount of support I have out there means to me. Plus, I just want to share this immense feeling of joy that I have reclaimed in my life. I want to help people feel the way I feel most of the time. I am naturally optimistic. I forgot that for a long time, but now that I've found it again I love being a force for positive. 

Well, I see that I have rambled far and away from my original point. but that's ok too. If you've hung in this long, thanks! The point being, that I may not have had a successful weekend, however, I have learned something from it. Which means that it was not a failure. 

Have a great day, friends! 

Working on an Action Plan

I've really kind of let things slide lately, not as much on the losing weight bits, but kind of just in general. I did get out of control this wekeend, when it comes to food and exercise. Too much of one and none of the other. But I know that happends to everyone from time to time. The important thing is that I picked myself up by my britches and got back on the Path of the Righteous Man this morning. 

I got kind of lazy about cooking and cleaning too. Which just kind of added to the general funk I was in over the weekend. The last thing for me was how undisciplined I let myself get about spending. I was riding the high tide of overtime, and now that I don't have that anymore, I've been struggling. 

We were doing so well about putting money away so we can get out of this crap hole of an apartment we live in. I don't even care about buying something anymore, I'll rent somewhere else, I just want out. But I kind of short circuted somewhere in there, and went from doing such a beautiful being in control of myself, so now we've gone and blown through what we had. Neither one of us are to blame. It just happened. But it upsets me that (I feel like, anyway) I let it happen. And like so many other things, I tried to recoup my loses, but I wasn't able to. So now we start back at square one. There are certainly worse places to start out at, but I'm not happy with the situation. 

So I thought I would combine my weight goals and my money goals into a winter long project. I call it "Project New Spring Wardrobe". The premise is a simple one: no new clothes until Spring, when hopefully I'll HAVE to buy them, because all the things I just packed away for the winter won't fit anymore. I'm going to officially kick off Project NSW on October 1st and run it through March 31st. 

Logically, I don't need any new clothes. I just put out plenty of wonderful things that filled my half of the closet, and provide me with plenty of variety for the season. I am going to make two exceptions: I need a pair of skinny jeans to wear with some boots that I already had purchased. And I would like a few more pair of flat dress shoes/boots for the winter. I have a bunch of cute heels and booties, but with the hip flexor issues I've been having, I need to stay out of the heels for a while, I feel. 

Some stratigem I have written out includes: a motivation jar set. I don't know what you really call it, but I've seen it a couple of times on Extreme Weight Loss. You take two jars and one jar you put in how many marbles for how much weight you want to lose, one marble equals one pound. As you lose weight you transfer the marbles into the second jar, and you can watch your progress. Plus there's something very satisfying about having that tactile reinforcement that you're making progress by moving the marbles around. My other plan is that when I feel the urge to shop, I'm going to take that money that I would have spent and dump it into my savings account. To either be used for the new Spring clothes, or for moving money. This way I can get use out of the clothes I already have, and save some money in the long run! 

Here are the particulars of Project NSW: 
Duration: 6 months- Oct 1-Mar 31 
Realistic Goal: 60 pounds 
Make My Day Goal: 70 pounds (this would get me to the 100 pounds lost total mark) 
Current Size: 24 
Goal Size: 18 (This one's hard, because you never know how your body is going to shrink or not. I mean, I'm down 30 pounds and STILL in all the same clothes.) 

I'll update all my trackers and what not next Tuesday on the 1st. Wish me luck, and thanks for listening to my ramble! 

Nag's Head, the doctor and monthly gym weigh in

Hello there!

It's been awhile, and I've been a busy little bee!

Saturday, Mom and I went down to Nag's Head for our third annual Mother/Daughter Birthday Bash weekend. I know, I'm a total nerd, going on vacation with my mom instead of hubby. I love though, that I can have such an awesome friendship with my mom. I know I'm super lucky, not everyone can hang out with their mom like that.

The weather couldn't have been better. Of the three years, this was definitely the best. Low 80's, low humidity and all sun. The water was sooo cold, but we did get in a couple of times. So much sand down our swimsuits!! I got a little burnt, but nothing like last year's epic sunburn where I was incapacitated for a few days. My poor Scottish skin was just not made for the sun- even with SPF 50! We didn't even get in the pool there this year, we spend some much time on the beach.

Monday we went to the Bodie Island Lighthouse. We did the whole tour and everything. We went all the way up to the top! All 219 stairs up! I love stuff like that. I could have sat and listened to them talk about the lighthouse's history all day long.

After the lighthouse we went over to Pea Island, which has a bird sanctuary. Both times we've been, the beach has been basically deserted. Which is strange, but really neat all at the same time. It makes for great shell hunting! I found out some friends were down there at the same time, so we hung out for a little while on Pea Island and caught up.

We ate at our favorite restaurant, The Black Pelican, and found a new place to love, Miller's Waterfront. I had the most amazing medium rare tuna steak with a soy ginger glaze. *drool*. We went for one last stroll on the beach before we headed back home Tuesday.

This morning I had an OB appointment. Last year this appointment was a disaster. I hit my highest weight ever, and had a total breakdown in her office. So I was a little nervous going back in again today. This year's appointment went much better. She was very pleased with my 30 pound loss, and my blood pressure was so much lower than it was last year. She did notice a possible cyst in one of my breasts, and we both agreed that with my family history it wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and have a mammogram. I always figured that I would end up getting one earlier than most people, again, because of the history of breast cancer on my mom's side of the family. She told me not to worry, if she thought it was something to truly be concerned about, she would have sent me straight away to a breast specialist today. Hubby is not thrilled about this news, but he's a bit of a worry-wort anyway.

I also had my monthly weigh in at the gym today. I tried to do it last week BEFORE vacation, but my trainer got sick, so we had to do it this week. My weight was down from my last check in with her, but up a little from last Friday. My inches were down, but my favorite thing was that my body fat percentage was down by 4%! While I would like to see my weight drop more, I'm so excited to see good progress finally!

I'm totally enjoying my week off of work, and I'm glad I got to get some rest and relaxation in (don't worry, I'm still working out and being mindful of what's going in my face!). I hope you're having a wonderful day!

How Morning Exercise has Changed My Life

Let me just open this by saying- I am in no way a morning person. I struggle some days to get into bed before 11 so I'm not hating life the next day. (Other days I'm so tired, its lights out by 9:30!) I've always been a night owl, even when I was little. My grandmother says I come by it honestly, she still stays up half the night reading, and she's approaching 80. 

The short version of the beginning is that somewhere around Thanksgiving last year, I started showing up at work at 6:00am. I had just taken over as team lead, and I felt like I was in a constant state of being underwater with my work. We were in a mandatory overtime situation, and with my new duties I was struggling to make my quota every day with the amount of traffic I now found at my desk. The hubby had begun working at Amazon, so his alarm was already going off at 4:45, so I just started getting up with him. 

Around the end March I realized that I needed to cut back. I was in the office, at my desk from six in the morning until seven or eight at night. I even ate there. I got up to pee or attend meetings. That was it. So one Friday morning I decided to try an experiment. I got up at my usual 4:45, put on my gym clothes and spent the next hour at the gym. "I like this", I said. "I could do this". It was fairly quiet in there. There's almost always a machine of your choosing available. There's even a few early morning classes. The ladies this early seemed pretty nice too. There's a place in the locker room with a wall-long mirror and shelf and outlets for hair dryers, etc. The morning gals have dubbed it the "Diva Bar" because it's where we put our faces on to get ready for the day. 

So I kept it up. I'm not beginning my sixth month of being an early morning exerciser. And surprisingly, it works for me. I actually love it. It both gives me a sense of relief and accomplishment that by 7:00am I have usually gotten half or more of my day's steps in. I've sweated. I've worked my body. I got it DONE. It gives me my sense of pride back in myself. I love starting the day holding my head up high. 

I can only find a couple reasons to not work out in the morning, and they are usually bogus and easily squashed. I rarely even have the "I need to get some extra sleep because...." arguement anymore. If I wait until the end of the day, I could find 503 reasons to not go. And wouldn't. 

I find myself more motivated and alert for the rest of the day. I have more drive and energy. This has snowballed into even getting the guts to go back to school for my second Bachelor's degree. 

I'm a much more pleasant person after I have exercised. When I get it knocked out in the morning, I can carry it with me throughout the day. It's helped restore me to my natural obnixous state of being the eternal optmist, always looking for the silver lining to things. 

Most of all, I have begun to find myself again. I go though my day with such a sense of peace and fulfillment. I know I have done the right thing for me, and ultimately my husband and at some point in the nearish future, Hypothetical Kid. I have my self assurance and confidence back. My GLOW. 

I can't go back now. I have watched the sun rise on my treadmill and I have seen the light. 
Good morning, life!