Not doing that anymore!

We all know I have a problem with evenings and weekends, really, any unstructured day. This weekend wasn't terrible, or at least, Saturday wasn't. We had a surprise birthday party for my mom, and I really didn't eat all that terribly. The party was at my cousin's house, who is married to a doctor, so there was fruit salad and regular salad with a homemade italian dressing, whole wheat hot dog/hamburger buns, etc. I made a cake for my mom and we had that. Of course I got stuck bringing what was left home. Which brings us to Sunday. 

Oh, Sunday. We were not friends, you and I. Of course, "I'll take the cake to work on Monday" rationale didn't happen. I ate a good chunk of that leftover cake Saturday night/ Sunday. In fact, I'm tossing what's left out this evening when I get home from work. I just can't do this anymore. 

I had all kinds of other crap yesterday, and boy am I paying for it today. I was heartburny last night/ this morning. I love starting my day by burping acid. (I know, TMI, sorry). Of course my tummy is very sad this this morning. I just feel kind of gross and icky. I haven't even had much of an appetite, but I've been eating my good, normal food all morning, because I know that's the best thing I can do for myself at this point. I had very little water to drink all weekend, so I'm feeling those effects, too. 

I know we all have these moments, where we go temporarily insane. I know this doesn't define me, or ruin the past six months of hard work. It's been a while since I've felt this bad physically over poor nutrutional choices, though. I looked at my sad state this morning, and I realized, nothing I ate tasted good enough to feel this crummy over. It's not even a mental thing at this point, where I'm resolving to "stay strong next time". It's logic, common flaming sense. I'm not beating myself up over my choices, I'm just taking a live and learn approach to this. 

I'm going to say it again. There is NOTHING in this world that tastes good enough to feel this way. NOTHING. 

I'm going to go ahead and go back to my mostly vegetarian, whole grain diet, and hang out there. It's much more comfortable and friendly over here. Before I had my hot dog Saturday night, I hadn't had meat in three days. Of course, things like seafood exist, so I don't know that I'll ever make the full transition. I think I love my fish too much. That's another tangent for another day, though. 

I know there will still be days in my future I will over induldge. It's just kind of the human nature. And I have no intentions of living a spartan lifestyle. But the longer I stay this course, the more by second nature I look at something and assess it. And now that I know better, it's hard not to do better. It's hard to look at something anymore and NOT see its nutritional value (or lack thereof). It slowly gets harder and harder to allow myself to get swept up in a moment and use it as an excuse to ignore what I've taught myself. And I'm proud of this. 

I know there's got to be people in my life who are just sick to tears of my gym check-ins, and food stuffs, and obnoxious positive feel-good "posters". So far no one's said anything to the contrary, and honestly, that's what the hide and un-friend buttons are for. I know I have to come off as pretentious and holier-than-thou when I'm really riding a good streak. But I really believe that one of the keys to this, that have made this attempt so much more successful, is that the more public I have made my journey, my struggles, my successes, the more accountability I have. And also the more support I have. There is no way, in a thousand lifetimes, that I can either express or repay how much the overwhemingly huge amount of support I have out there means to me. Plus, I just want to share this immense feeling of joy that I have reclaimed in my life. I want to help people feel the way I feel most of the time. I am naturally optimistic. I forgot that for a long time, but now that I've found it again I love being a force for positive. 

Well, I see that I have rambled far and away from my original point. but that's ok too. If you've hung in this long, thanks! The point being, that I may not have had a successful weekend, however, I have learned something from it. Which means that it was not a failure. 

Have a great day, friends!